Book review - I Once was a Buddhist Nun (Esther Baker)

I Once Was A Buddhist by Esther Baker is the story of one person's search for truth. This is a small book, around 150 pages, and I read in 24 hours because I was interested both in the person and the subject matter. Baker grew up in a household where emotional support was lacking, mainly due to her mother's illness. Neither of her parents were religious, and in fact her father was very anti religion due to his past experiences as a boy. Baker finds a love of nature and attends horticulture college where she sees life as a freedom to do whatever she likes as long as no one gets hurt. She sleeps with men, drinks, takes an interest in the occult, and by the time she receives her certificates she is emotionally exhausted. She feels empty and realises that she does not want a career in horticulture. She began looking for answers. A friend says 'you sound like a Buddhist' and Baker starts to explore this faith, attends classes, goes on retreats, including to Thailand. She feels this is for her and eventually commits to becoming a novice nun. Later she commits for more years. But gradually doubts set in. She starts to question who Jesus is and what Easter means. One day in her room the sun through her window makes a cross shape on the wall. When she has a chance she asks others about Christianity. Someone gives her a Bible. Eventually she realises she has to disrobe. Buddhism no longer makes sense.

This part takes up about half of the book. The second half is about leaving the Temple and her journey into Christianity. One of the strongest motivations for Baker is having seen a video in the Temple about Jackie Pullinger, who works with drug addicts in China. She sees something remarkable here and she asks her father to buy her the books. Her parents meanwhile have been very worried about her. They visit every month and take her things. Baker is not meant to have possessions - everything is shared, but Baker's mother takes cakes, and once, a little Buddha. Her mother sees her daughter literally fading away - early morning starts, little food, denial of most things, lack of heating is taking it's toll on Baker, yet at the time she could  not see this.

By the time she leaves she has no clothes and no money. She stays with her parents, joins a church and learns about Christianity. She longs to help and goes out to China where Jackie Pullinger works and helps with the project. Eventually, she ends up going back to Thailand as a missionary for Christ.

At the back of the book Baker charts the differences between Buddhism and Christianity. I found that interesting. Having once (a long time ago) been attracted to Buddhism myself it was interesting to see what Baker's experiences were. What I've gleaned, and what comes over here, is that Buddhism is a very inward looking religion - if you can even call it a religion. It's more a philosophy. Mediating to reach some other worldly place, denial of simple pleasures like nourishing food, singing and dancing and the big one - no touching. Nuns and monks do no touch one another. There are no hugs, no affection, because they do not agree with becoming attached to anyone. So emotionally this is a drain. Bak
er says that her mother didn't think she would ever see her daughter leave Buddhism and expected her to die young as she was so thin and had no idea about the world anymore.

I found myself cheering with the Christian part of me, yet, as always, arguing about certain aspect of Christianity I don't agree with (like original sin and hell), but what you can't say about Christianity is that it is inward looking. The whole ethos of Christianity is love and helping those who need it. Buddhist seat the longest serving members (& those of higher order) in the best seats - Jesus would put the lowest of people in the best seats!

I enjoyed this read. it wasn't over slushy (which some Christian books can be) and following the life of this lady was fascinating. She may have felt she emotionally lacking in her early years at home but her parents never gave up on her - her father, the atheist he was, even went into a Christian book shop for her!